How-Dee-Do All;

What follows below is the letter which we
received from Theresa, our niece, who ran off
to Missouri. The fact that it arrived a little
more than a year after the fact, being postmarked
07/May/1998 from Kansas, is of no concern, but the
content is unjustifiably horrendous & equally rude...
We have added our commentary where we deemed necessary.

Jon and Ginger:

This is probably not going to be a pleasant experience for you. I wrote this instead of talking to you in person for 2 reasons: 1–the fact that Jon would beat the shit out of me {No dear, GinGer deals with the female's department.. Jon only handles the male of our species.} and 2–I really don't want to go to jail for assault either. {Now why would we press charges?}

Apparently, on May 4, 1997, there was a discussion that took place in the kitchen of my previous residence. To my knowledge, the people present were Pam, {You mean Mom.} Scott, JJ, and you two. I am also aware that the atmosphere presented was very combative, very "4 on 1". {Actually the women-folk left the house for what Jon thought would be a man to man type of discussion concerning your health and well-being. Jon even tried to offer his assisstance in helping J.J. find a place he could afford.} The fact that someone in this conversation decided to tell JJ "You know, it's not that we are ganging up on you or anything" is quite hilarious and a bit futile. He's not stupid, despite what you think. {We do not think he is stupid, but rather highly intelligent.}

First off, Jon, to tell JJ that because he is on disability he has "plenty of money" is none of your business, nor is it true. Shall I send you all the bills he owed on? On 2/3 salary, paying bills you accumulated when you were on full salary is not possible. {Sweet-heart, 1/3 of a persons salary goes to rent alone, and this does not include sundries.} And, I hate to break it to you but, going to Disneyland for us costs no more than $5-$10 each time, and we only go once a week, not "all the time" as you stated. {Mouse-ears embroidered with your name cost at least $15.00 alone, what about food? 3-5 bills a pop. Drink? 2-3 bills a pop. Gas? 5 bills minimum roundtrip. Realize also that once a week is all the time to someone who goes maybe every five years.} Even with my paycheck included, he couldn't pay all of the bills promptly. Which answers you as to where my money was going, those of you who think I'm rich. My $150 paychecks (lots of money, let me tell ya) were going towards gas and food, and attempting (in vain) to help pay some of his bills. {Why were you paying his debts?} Pam may tell you she cooked every night for us...and pigs may fly. The fact that she even wants money from us is ludicrous. {Perchance attempting to instruct you that there are no free rides in the adult world?} For as much as we watch Chris (10 times in the past 11 days, she slept at his house EVERY NIGHT even when I was sick) {GinGer states that "Personally I know for a fact that's not true, as I called Pam's house and spoke with her there almost nightly."} and for as much housework as we do, she owes us thousands. {So... that's why there was purple and green hair dye all over the sink, and dirty dishes were always piled up, dirty clothes in the hallway outside your room, and your room always smelt so bad that your Mother insisted the window stay open.} Oh, but that's right, she said we don't hardly do housework.... aren't lies fun? {You tell us dear..} She tells quite a few of them, but I'll get to that later.

But wait! I can't be telling the truth at all here, I'm addicted to drugs! THAT"S RIGHT, I forgot. Time for me to go shoot up.... Ginger, how stupid of a notion is me shooting up, or doing other drugs? {Who said anything about shooting up? We asked J.J. if you were using speed because we were concerned about your sleeping habits and mood swings. He told us "NO, but she is smoking pot and occassionally drinking." Your paranoia is showing and that's one indicator sign of a drug problem.} I HATE NEEDLES, you know that. Aren't we forgetful... {Forgetful, no. Darlin' I remember you refusing to let the Doc draw blood for lab work to test your hormones, etc., to see if there was a medical reason for your weight problem.} Want my drug history? I'll tell you: *My freshman year in high school, I used marijuana a total of 5 times... the 5th time I never got more than 2 puffs into the joint. *Same year of high school, I got drunk, twice, at this girl Cindy's house. Neither time did I get wasted enough to come near a hangover. *Last year sometime (I don't remember exactly when) I drank about half of Heather's beer at her house. Same night, I smoked about 1/4 of a cigarette before I got such a headache I put it out. Ciggy smoke and I don't get along. {How about the fact that at our Wedding Reception, five years ago, we had to stop you from going to the park after you drank enough margaritas that your speech was slurred and your eyes were glazed over. Another time, while prepping your old room to paint, you, your friend Heather, and Jon had a discussion about drinking and driving on mountainous roadways. There are more instances aren't there. Memory lapse is another indicator sign.}

That's it. I'll take 50 urine tests (NO blood tests, you know my rule) if you'd like. The fact alone that you actually think I'd have a dependency is....horrible. I couldn't get to sleep, JON, because I was in a severe depression. Is that what you wanted to hear? The only people in this world who love me are JJ, Chris, and my grandparents. {Your Mother, Step-Father, Linda, Tim, GinGer, Jon, Aunt Karen, Larry, Jean, the list is getting longer precious!} The list is a little short, pardon me for feeling a bit down. A dependency....I don't know if you heard Heather wrong, or if she even told you (for all I know you may be lying...why did you wait this long to tell my mom if it was at my graduation?) {Why would Jon lie? You don't know him very well, or his hatred of lies, if you think he would do so. We didn't tell your Mom because you promised to curb said problems and we trusted you, thinking that you were through with the experimental stage.} ...but that's my drug history up there, all of it. And if you think that in todays society a teenager can grow up and not experiment with at least one form of drug or drink, you're seriously jaded, and have lived one hell of a sheltered life. {Think about who this letter is addressed to for a minute...}

OH, Jon...look...I know you think you're all tough and what not, but let me tell you something...if you ever, EVER get in my fiance's face again and yell at him to "Sit the fuck down" like you'll beat the shit out of him if he doesn't, you'll have the police at your front door in about 2 seconds (don't even try to deny it, Scott was right there). Lay a hand on him, you go to jail. The only reason he didn't stand up to you was because he didn't want to damage the relationship I had with you, you being my "Uncle Jon" and all. Now that I know what you're really like, I wish he had beaten the shit out of you. This isn't Junior High Jon; bullies who take your milk money don't exist in the real world. Get a new hobby, okay? You aren't scary, hon. {Where to begin... I had cooly asked the boy twice to "sit down so we can finish this", the third time I had to verbalize my seriousness for I was tired of his run-around about any and every subject brought up. The reason he did not stand up to me was because he knew I would sit him down. It was at this point that the women-folk returned from walking about outside with Chris, ~ is that possible? Pam never spends any time with her son, does she? ~ GinGer states, "J.J.'s face looked like a scared rabbit, and he stuttered and fidgited constantly after that." Also Consider what strong armed robbery is.. Yes Theresa, there are still bullies out there but I am not one of them, for all I demand is Respect!}

Oh hey, this whole letter is probably one big manipulation, according to you two and Pam. I "manipulate people to get what I want"... really? Want to hear some really nice manipulations going on around here? {Who's writing this? J.J. is that you?}
*Pam tells people that I never wanted a job, that I didn't go to WalMart or any store to apply, that I was lying. Truth? I went to WalMart 5 times, spoke to Tracey (care to call?), applied at every store which had a wanted sign in it, and made several professional follow up calls. {Appearance means alot. Applying for professional jobs with purple hair, black lipstick and nail polish, and dressed all in black only impresses places like 'Hot Topic'!}
*Pam tells people that I'm not going to graduate, that I don't want to graduate, that I don't go to night school or school. Truth? Call Bonita and find out. I graduated with extra credits to spare and if I didn't attend school, how did I graduate? {Your mother never said that you wouldn't graduate, but that you may not earn enough 'points' to get into a good college. When going to night school or a junior college while still in high school, all credits earned are applied towards your final high school credits, thereby giving you more than enough credits to graduate. Jon knows this from personal experience.}
*Pam tells people I barely do housework. Truth? She has vacuumed twice, done dishes maybe 5 times, done SCOTTS laundry a lot (but that's 'cause it's Scott), cleaned the "public" bathroom 3 times. The ratio of what we do here is about 20 to one guys. If we stopped what we do, the house would look like it used to. If she does all the housework, how come her old house was so messy? {Oh.. could it be her husband had just died; She had two children, yes children, to raise by herself; Holding down a demanding full-time job; Trying to see one child through Job's Daughters; The other child having ear surgery; Her oldest child pulling more and more away from her; A boss who daily harassed her; A sudden influx of outstanding debt and no way to pay the government what they demanded; Need there be more? Is this not enough reason?}
*Pam pays for Scott and his 2 kids to go to Chucky Cheese for Scottys birthday and forces Chris to stay home with JJ and I even though Chris was crying because he couldn't go. Why couldn't he go? Good question. Pam says it was because they were there a "Short time" and there were no kids Chris' age...well, unfortunately , I talked to Scott right before her and he told me the truth...she lied, because I called her right after I talked to him. How sad is that? {First we have heard of this.. No Comment.}
*Pam has seen her son a total of one night in the past 11. Her son now calls me mom from time to time. Rightfully so. {We addressed the "not there" issue above. However, Chris also occasionally calls GinGer 'Mom', and Jon 'Dad'. The only rightful way to earn the title 'parent' is to love and care for a child. In that respect you do qualify.}
*Pam spends all these nights with her man instead of her son because she says that at 4 in the morning she doesn't want us to hear "What goes on in their room" (speaking of sex). So apparently sex means more than Chris. {Who was speaking of sex? No, sex does not mean more than Chris. However, the comforting arms of a man you love, and who loves you, are a necessity to every woman. You should know this if you and J.J. truly do love each other.}
*Pam says I "manipulated" both her and JJ by telling them 2 different stories about what would go on when JJ moved out here. This is what she told me: "When JJ moves out here I realize he won't have a lot of money so until he gets back on his feet he can stay back here in the guest house with you. We'll work out any money situations when he gets here." This is exactly what I told JJ. Ask him (not that you believe either of us). {We only know what your mother told us, which was ~ one would be in the guest-house and one would be on the couch. J.J. acknowledged this during the Big Discussion we had in the kitchen.} The day JJ got hit by the van, the last words he said were to his friend Galen. Those words were "OH, good! We'll have to do that...hold on man, we'll talk more about this at work"...they were in response to Galen saying let's go look for apartments together. JJ was planning on being out of there within 2 weeks. Too bad shit happens, huh? Not that you buy this either... or care... oh hey, wanna hear something else? Pam has gotten the notion several times to talk shit about you, Jon, to me. About your drinking, about your lack of working... about how you mooch off of Ginger...about some other things I won't get into because they're a little too mean for me to mention. So, my friend, if you are going to trust all that this woman says after all she's done (and that up there isn't even the 1/100th of it), after all the shit she's talked about you'd better think twice. {Hate to burst your bubble.. but your mother has said these and more to our faces, and lo.. Jon is the better man for Pam's interventions. Recovering alcoholic, four years sobriety and onwards. Bringing destructive behavior and problems to a loved one's attention is called 'tough love'. It can hurt, but it can also heal if listened to and followed, for we cannot do it alone. We thank your mother for her love and concern, and know she will point out any more screw-ups we may happen to fall prey to.}
But all this is nothing more than a BIG MANIPULATION! Give me a break.

This is what happened, pure and simple: 2 days prior to this immature ambush on JJ in the kitchen, I told my mom that by the time she and Scott were married I wanted to move out. She threw a hissy cow and said I was not "allowed" to move out, that I "have to" stay here, that I "have to" like Terry and Scotty, end of story. Now, the REAL reason she doesn't want me to leave is because who will baby-sit if I do? {The real reason is she wanted you to complete your college education and not make the worst mistake of your life. Baby-sitting? She knew she could bring Chris to us, she didn't need you for that.} Who will clean house if I do? And as for you thinking we can "rebuild a mother daughter relationship" if -I- would only's her fault we are like we are. {It takes two dear.} Ever since my dad died, it's been my fault this, my fault that. I can't graduate, I can't get a job, I can't do this, I can't do that. She even told her friends I blame her for my dad's death. {Reality check.. Your own friends told your mother that you blame her.} Real motherly actions. My dad is doing laps in his grave right now over the way that my brother and my grandparents have been treated and used by her. I only wish he were here: none of this would have ever happened. {How right you are. J.J. would have never come into the picture, would he. Your dad would have never let the boy into your life.}

But the one thing that bothers me the most is the way you two can judge without even hearing the other side of the story. You don't even know JJ. You have barely spoken to me in the last year at all. {And who's fault is that? Multiple times you were both invited into our home so that we could get to know him. But there was always some excuse why you couldn't make it.} Yet you see fit to judge so quickly. Neither of you are perfect. Especially not you Jon... {That's true.. I am human and can/have/will change as time rolls by, with a lot of help from my friends.} Pam did not like how much I loved you, how I looked up to you. But I stood up for you, told her how sweet you were and that I loved you so what she thought didn't matter. We got in fights over it, I took her yelling over it, but you were my Uncle Jon....I did all that, and for what, for this? "Judge not lest ye be judged yourselves..." One of the few good things Metallica says. {Yes, heed your own words, you only heard J.J.'s version and have executed us without a hearing.}

Give my love and hugs to Heather. Tell her that I hope someday we can talk again, and that I love her very much. Maybe in a few years she can contact for you two, I loved the times we had before I found out what you really thought of me. I thought you two were really cool. {What we really thought of you? We did, and do, and always will love you. We want nothing but the best for you. If we didn't, we would not have been so concerned for your health and safety, nor so hurt and devistated by this letter. As for our daughter, if we no longer exist to you, neither shall she.}

Pam told me you were thinking of coming to the wedding, Ginger. Well, rethink that, make the decision of no, and stay in California. No one wants EITHER of you here. {We were going to go to give your Mother and Step-Father moral support at an event that continues to tear at their souls.} I don't want to hear fom you via phone, mail, someone else or in person ever again. Jon, if you get near me (I don't see how you can now, but just in case) I'll call the police. I don't trust you not to beat the life out of me. Get near JJ, you'll have to deal with me, and I'd die for him, so you'll have to kill me first, {Don't be ridiculous!} which I wouldn't put past you at this point, especially when it comes to us. I don't want either of you near my residence, fiance' or wedding.

I don't want you in my life. {Is that you J.J.?}

(NOTE: This section of the wonderful letter is hand written:)

don't even think
about altering
this letter, making
it sound life threatening
or something, & then
try to get me in trouble.
i have my own pape copy
at home, 1 copy on my c:, d:, &
e: drives & on a floppy, AND at
a friends house. So don't

{Paranoia strikes deep as it destroys the Self!}

And so this ends the beautiful letter which
she has sent to us. Theresa has grown, although
in a most dis-respectful direction, quite a bit since
meeting this interesting J.J. character, hasn't she :(

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